Burn The Sith!
by SithMasterYoda
Summary: A paordy of the witch burning scene from Monty Python's Quest For The Holy Grail. Re-posted and updated!


Burn The Sith!  
Disclamer: I don't own anything.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene: Theed Place  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: A Sith! A Sith! A Sith! We caught a Sith! A Sith! A Sith! A Sith! We caught a Sith! A Sith! A Sith! We caught a Sith! A Sith!  
(The crowd's dragging Darth Vader)  
  
Villager 1: We found a Sith. May we burn him?   
  
Crowd: Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!  
  
Corran Horn: How do you he is a Sith?  
  
Villager 2: He looks like one!  
  
Crowd: Yeah! Yeah!  
  
Corran: Bring him forward.  
  
Vader: I'm not a Sith! I'm not a Sith!  
  
Corran: But you are dressed and sound like one.  
  
Vader: They dressed me up like this, and changed my voice!  
  
Crowd: No we didn't!  
  
Corran: Did you?  
  
Villager 1: Well, we did do the voice.  
  
Corran: The voice?  
  
Villager 1: And we put on the black suit on him, but he's a Sith!  
  
Villager 2: Yeah!  
  
Crowd: Yeah! Right! Burn him! Burn him!  
  
Corran: Did you dress him up like this?  
  
Villager 1:No.  
  
Villager 2 and 3: No. No.  
  
Villager 2: No.  
  
Villager 1: No.  
  
Villager 2 and 3: No.  
  
Villager 2: Yes.  
  
Villager 1:Yes. Yeah, a bit.  
  
Villager 3: A bit.  
  
Villager 1 and 2: A bit.  
  
Villager 3: A bit.  
  
Villager 3 : He did build the second Death Star.  
  
Random cough  
  
Corran: What makes you think he's a Sith?  
  
The Old Obi-Wan Kenobi: He cut me in half!   
  
Corran: He cut you in half?  
  
[ a short pause ]  
  
The Old Obi-Wan Kenobi: I got better.  
  
Villager 2: Burn him! Burn him! Burn ! Burn! Burn him!  
  
Crowd: Burn! Burn him! Burn! Burn him! Burn him!   
  
Corran: Quiet! Quiet! Be Quiet! There are ways of telling of he is a Sith.  
  
Villager 1: Are there?  
  
Villager 2: Ah?  
  
Villager 1: Tell us!  
  
Villager 2: Do they hurt?  
  
Corran: What do you with Sith?  
  
Crowd (with passion): Burn them! Burn them! Burn them!  
  
Corran: What do you burn apart from Sith?  
  
Villager 1: More Sith!  
  
Villager 3: Quiet!  
  
Villager 2: Wood!  
  
Corran: So, why do Sith burn?  
  
  
(a another pause)  
  
  
  
Villager 3: B'............. 'cause they're made of wood?  
  
Corran: Good.  
  
Crowd: Oh yeah.  
  
Corran: So, how do we tell if she is made of wood?  
  
Villager 1: Build a bridge out of her!   
  
Corran: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of plastcrete?  
  
Villager 1: Oh, yeah.  
  
Corran: Does wood sink in water?  
  
Villager 2: No, it floats! It floats!  
  
Villager 1: Throw her into the Great Sea!  
  
Crowd: The Great Sea! Throw her into the Great Sea!  
  
Corran: What also floats in water?  
  
Villager 1: Bread!  
  
Villager 2: Apples!  
  
Villager 3: Uh, very small rocks!  
  
Villager 1: Cider!  
  
Villager 2: Uh, great gravy!  
  
Villager 1: Cherries!  
  
Villager 2: Mud!  
  
Villager 3: Churches! Churches!  
  
Villager 2: Lead! Lead!  
  
Luke Skywalker: A Ewok!  
  
Crowd (in awe): Oooooohhhhhh.   
  
Corran: Exactly. So, logically........  
  
Villager 1: If.......... he..... weighs....... the same as a Ewok....., he's made of wood.  
  
Corran: And therefore?  
  
  
(a very looooooooooong pause)  
  
  
  
Villager 2: A Sith!  
  
Villager 1: A Sith!  
  
Crowd: A Sith! A Sith! A Sith!  
  
Villager 4: Here is an Ewok. Use this Ewok.  
  
Ewok: Yub yub yub yub.  
  
Corran: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.  
  
Crowd: A Sith A Sith A Sith A Sith! Burn him! Burn him, Burn him, Burn him!  
  
Corran: Right. Remove the supports.  
  
  
[ whop ]  
[ creak ]  
[ pause ]  
( the scale evens out. )  
  
  
Vader: It's a fair crop.  
  
Crowd: A Sith! A Sith! Burn him! Burn him! A Sith!  
  
  
( the crowd drags Vader away )   
  
  
Corran: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science ?  
  
Luke: I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master.   
  
Corran (bowing): My lige!   
  
Luke: Good Knight, will you join me in my quest to re-establish the Jedi Knights?  
  
Corran: My lige! I would be honored!  
  
Luke: What is your name?  
  
Corran: Corran Horn, my lige.  
  
Luke: Then I dub you 'Sir Corran', Jedi Knight.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
C-3PO (voice over): The wise Corran Horn was the first Jedi to be trained by Luke, but other  
illustrious names were soon to follow.  
  
Sir Kyp Durron the brave,  
  
Sir Anakin Solo the pure,  
  
And Sir Jango Fett the-not-quite-as-brave-as-Sir-Kyp, who had nearly fought the Rancor of Angor,  
who had nearly stood up to the vicious Gungan from Naboo,   
and who had personally wet himself in the Geonosis execution arena.   
  
And the aptly named Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-film (Tom Selleck).  
  
Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be re-told throughout the galaxy.   
  
  
They would be, The Jedi Knights of the New Republic. 


End file.
